How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
