I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
