YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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