Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I forgot wine drunk hurts
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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