I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
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