Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
