Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
