I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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