I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
