We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i love accidental penises.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
