She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
