I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
