Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize