i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
