I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
