I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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