So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
