how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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