I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
