Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
