we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize