Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
