i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
