So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
