dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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