Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
