I need help removing her.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
