Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
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