you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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