if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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