eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
