Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
