fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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