I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
