Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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