***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize