It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Never joke about your clitoris.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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