The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
