Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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