so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
