so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
