I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
