Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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