I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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