Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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