I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
