Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize