I just threw up on my dentist
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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