Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
