I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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