Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
