____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize