I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize