is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I think my moral compass just broke
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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