the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize