After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
