I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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