just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
