And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
