people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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