remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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