Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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