Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
How does one acquire holy water?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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