I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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