Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Four minutes until I can fart!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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