and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize