She said her name was "party"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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