If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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