Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize