he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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