okay pat passed out under dana's car
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
