you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
