meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
