This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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