I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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