Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize