for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
