You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
