So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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