last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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