I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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