I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
