i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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