So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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