obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
