I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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