she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
A+ Viking dick
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