Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
