everyone is single if you try hard enough
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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