Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
