I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
