Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
