i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
