my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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