It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
