I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
